26 Jun 2018

Nick Smells Good

by | posted in: Day In The Life, Luv | 14
Rather ominous photo of cologne in Milan, 1965. Image: Wikipedia.

 

 

 

Forgive me for being absent a few days, but there simply is no time to do anything whatsoever but repack my suitcase, answer emails, make rawther important phone calls, and smell Nick.

Yes, Nick, my PIO — that’s “Person of Interest” — smells so good, I need to smell him whenever possible. I’m glad most of my work requires me to go out of town, because if I had to work around Nick, smelling as good as he does, I would get nothing done. Have you ever tried to write a letter from the editor while sniffing the collar of someone’s t-shirt? Pointless!

Nick has always smelled great. He’s got that wonderful smell of a guy who cares about his laundry. He smells like a person who really scrubs the back of his neck when he takes a shower and he definitely reads the care labels on his clothes. Do you know what I mean? That sort of “this is just who I am” smell is enough to make me kind of woozy, but it’s worse, now, because Nick has become smitten with a certain cologne. This cologne smells great in the bottle but let me tell you: It’s downright criminal on Nick.

The fragrance: Neroli Portofino Acqua by Tom Ford.

It’s hard to describe the scent — scents are tough —  but I’ll try. It’s got bergamot going on; it’s got a hint of lemon. It’s musky and dusky. It’s young but not frivolous. It’s smart but not stuffy. When I smell it, I think of a person who takes cool trips and does cool things and is kind to animals. Also, that person knows how to bake scones with currants and when you visit them in their country home for a week in the summer, they know you love them. It goes without saying that this mythical cologne person is rich. Because some colognes just smell expensive, you know? Neroli Portofino Acqua one smells like it has to cost a fortune, but it turns out that a small bottle isn’t terribly expensive at about $100 plus tax. The price surprised me and Nick, too, considering the fancy Tom Ford label and the way it smells like it has gold flecks in it or something.*

Nick and I have been talking a lot about fears and “what comes next” and we had a text message fight yesterday. I never have text message fights but it was a weak moment. We’re sort of at a point — and relationships have all kinds of different points all the time, it’s not just one — where we are either going to kick it up a notch … or not, I guess. The fear of failure, the fear of wasting time, the fear of “what if this” and “what if that” is terrible on thoughtful people. Text message fights may occur from time to time.

We patched it up. Yesterday, he brought me flowers. Today, I smelled his wrist. And you do the next thing.

 

*For another perfume-inspired reverie, you should definitely read this. 

29 May 2018

PG Newswire: Mary Fons Confirms ‘Person of Interest’

by | posted in: Luv | 23
They seem happy. Photo: Wikipedia.

 

 

Fons ‘Cautiously Optimistic’ about ‘This Nick Fellow’
by P. N. Dennis

CHICAGO, IL — Writer, editor, and quilt world person Mary Fons announced today that she’s seeing someone named Nick.*

“Nick and I met back in November,” Fons said. “I had been on a string of truly hideous dates and felt sort of despondent about love in general, sadly. I was about to delete my [online dating] profile but then I saw this picture of this gorgeous guy with the most beautiful smile. I messaged him and we started chatting.”

It took several weeks before they could meet face-to-face, Fons said. “I told him, ‘Look, I’m in grad school and I travel. The first chance I could get together is two weeks from Thursday.’ It wasn’t a very sexy thing to say, but he said that sounded good.”

The two met for a drink at the Chicago Athletic Association. “When we saw each other, we just started smiling,” said Fons. “It felt so good to be excited about a person. It doesn’t happen every day.”

Nick, who was born in Chicago in the early 1990s, got his undergraduate degree in biology at Loyola University in 2015 and is currently applying to medical school. He works at several hospitals in the area and he is very sexy.

“I don’t think … you can say … Can you say that in a news article?” Fons asked, scratching her head. “It’s definitely true though. Nick is hot. Keep it.”

The pair traveled to New York City to attend a New Year’s Eve party held by Fons’s older sister, Hannah. They had a good time. In February, Nick brought a heart-shaped pizza to Fons’s apartment and that was nice. But Fons’s punishing schedule, a communication breakdown, and hurt feelings led to Fons “putting the brakes” on the relationship mid-February. “It’s a long story,” Fons said, rubbing her forehead. “But it was the right thing to do, to step away for awhile.”

As the months passed, there was communication here and there. Nick encouraged Fons as she approached the end of school. Fons checked up on Nick when he went on a med school interview, but there were no in-person encounters. Then, over the past few weeks, the two have been spending time together again.

“Mary is a very hardworking person,” Nick said in a text interview just now. “She is smart, understanding, beautiful, and kind. She’s got her stuff together. Mary Fons is a goddess and I will do anything for her, forever.”

“He said everything up until the ‘goddess’ line,” Fons said. “He didn’t actually say that last sentence. But all the other stuff he did actually say when I texted him to say what he likes about me.”

Fons admits being nervous about sharing relationship news. But as a widely-read blogger whose life is her material, she says she feels she owes it to her readers to provide some clarity at this point. “The truth is, I like Nick,” Fons said. “He’s smart. He cares about me. He fixes things that are broken. We help each other. He is very tender with me when I cry. And he is so handsome in those scrubs I just … Yeah.”

The two plan to have dinner at her place tomorrow night before Fons leaves for Lincoln, Nebraska, for the annual board meeting at the International Quilt Study Center and Museum.

*last name withheld

15 Feb 2018

How Do You Hire a Handyman? (Also, Valentine’s Day)

by | posted in: Day In The Life, Rant | 29
A handyman on break, c. 1975, Georgia. Image: Wikipedia, via the US National Archives and Records Administration.

 

My friend Nick did a good job with Valentine’s Day yesterday. He paid me awfully nice compliments in a card (I am evidently brilliant, gorgeous, funny, and sexy!) and he brought a heart-shaped pizza for us to have for dinner. That’s right, a heart-shaped pizza. That pizza is going to get its own post, but not tonight.

Tonight, I need to ask you all how a woman goes about hiring a handyman, because I need one, bad, and I don’t have the first clue about to get one.

“Hang on, Mary,” you say. You purse your lips and put a hand on your hip. “We’re glad to hear you’re eating heart-shaped pizzas and getting cards, but we’d be really glad if this Nick person was handy.”

I dissolve into giggles.

“Not that kind of handy! Mary! Now, seriously: What do you need fixed? Can’t Nick help you?”

I pull myself together and I thank you for your concern. One of the I like spending time with Nick is because he is extremely helpful. He’s fixed my internet, my phone, my icemaker, my computer. He always tidies the kitchen when he’s over and sometimes I go into the bathroom and something looks strange and I realize the sink is totally free of toothpaste bits and this is because Nick enjoys rinsing things. It’s wonderful.

But though he tried his dead-level best, Nick can’t fix my dishwasher, and I need that dishwasher fixed. Now.

So I need a handyman, or a fix-it guy — or girl, or marmoset for heaven’s sake. I literally do not care, as long as they/it knows about water pressure and, like, “parts.” Because a girl working full time and going to grad school full time cannot have a broken dishwasher. Cannot, cannot, cannot. The hopeless, helpless, panicked feeling I got when I opened the dishwasher for the fifth time and saw the dishes were not clean but in fact now dirtier with hardened, shellacked food and soap on them? That was a bad feeling. I can’t. I need my dishwasher to wash the dishes I put inside of it. It’s not so much to ask, right? Please?

Beyond that, I need some heavy pictures hung. I need a new faucet installed in my bathroom. I need a new medicine cabinet stuck on the wall. I need a chain on the light in the pantry. I need the vent cover thing in my closet to stop falling of the blinkin’ wall or I’m going to start throwing my body against it until it goes in its home.

Tell me how to hire someone trustworthy to help me do these things. Please?

Now, of course I know there are services online, but it’s the wild west out there. I live in a big city. It’s a shot in the dark, trying to find someone who won’t take advantage of my household fix-it ignorance. Believe me, I’ve been here before: I hired a handyman a year ago to do a few things and it was an awful experience. He did a poor job. It was so expensive. Afterward, the dumb, big corporate company kept calling me and texting me with advertisements and things. Ugh.

Angie’s List might have worked years ago but Angie sold that business awhile back and now it’s just big, corporate, plastic companies who buy space on the thing. I asked Dion, one of the maintenance guys in my building, if he knew anyone who did this kind of work; he didn’t. (And yes, my building has maintenance staff, but they do building stuff, common area stuff, water shut-offs and the like. They don’t hang pictures and they don’t do fridges, washers, dryers, etc.)

What I’m hoping is that one of you dear people has a brother in Evanston who is the best handyman in three states and you can give me his number. Or you have been using the same handyman for 20 years and why, he/she lives right down the street from me! This is what I’m hoping, because I don’t know what else to do.

Thanks, everyone. I need you. Perhaps more importantly: The dishes need you.