1 Dec 2016

Hallo, Berlin und Claus! (I’m Going To Germany.)

by | posted in: Luv, Travel | 30
Berlin, looking very winter wonderland-y. Photo: Wikipedia.
Berlin, looking very winter wonderland-y. Photo: Wikipedia.

 

I am excited for 2017.

This is partly because 2016 has utterly exhausted everyone, including me — and it ain’t over yet — and also because seven is a fetching number to have in a year, don’t you think?

There was something else… Oh! I’m going to visit Claus!

My dear friend, my favorite philosophy professor: Claus. You know the fellow: movie dates, trips to visit my family’s old farm, the one-man paper supply. When I was notified a very, very, very cheap ticket to Berlin online the other day (seriously, that ticket was so low I’m concerned they’ve got me on a kite or a pigeon or something) I rang the man up. And we made a plan. And we celebrated, because Ze American and Ze German are going to have a week in January together in Berlin. Sure, it’ll be cold, but that’s what wool coats and hot coffee are for, right? I have already practiced the following two German words:

heißer Kaffee (hot coffee)
Wollemantel (wool coat)

The capitalization is the tough part.

But isn’t this just the best? I haven’t been out of the country since 2011, I’ve never been to Germany, and even before I met Claus, Germany was at the top of my wanna-go list. But of course the reason 2017 is going to be good is because Claus is there — at least for a week in January — and I miss that person.

There will be many pictures, much rejoicing, and probably strudel.

23 May 2016

The AMC “Dine-In” Movie Theater: Goodbye, Cruel World.

by | posted in: Chicago, Day In The Life, Tips | 1
The "scene" of the crime! Get it? Scene? Like a scene in a movie? Hahahhhahaha! I kill me! Photo: Me
The “scene” of the crime! Get it? Scene? Like a scene in a movie? Hahahhhahaha! I kill me! Photo: Me.

 

I’m going to tell a story about Claus but I’m not being nostalgic.

Last weekend, I wanted to check out the fancy new theater up on State Street. The theater is new within the year, I think, though sometimes I’m the last to know about these things. It looks new: everything is shiny and the carpet is fresh-smelling. But that’s not all that’s going on at the AMC on State Street, oh, no.

This AMC features “Cinema-Suites.” What’s a Cinema-Suite, you ask? A Cinema-Suites is a place where you go to die happy. The official description is different; AMC decided to not include “die” in their messaging for some reason. Officially, “Cinema-Suites [offer] a grown-up atmosphere featuring in-theater dining, a full bar, and extra-comfy recliners. Enjoy handcrafted burgers, bowls, desserts, and more while you enjoy the show.” Oh, but, AMC! You’re being modest!

Here’s how it works: You get your ticket. You go into your theater. You are shown to your specific seat by an usher. You sink into the comfiest recliner into which you ever sank your tush. A table tray swings in from your right hand side. There’s a cup holder. There’s no bib, but you feel like there could be and that would be fine. There’s a button on the left side of the chair and when you push it, the chair begins molesting you in a friendly way, raising your feet up on the foot rest as it’s reclining you back. It’s not a massage, exactly, but it’s not not a massage. Then, just when you’re laughing with a tall German that this is so much fun and way, way too easy to love, a waiter — a real waiter! — comes and gives you menus.

There are delicious foods on this menu. Your waiter comes and takes your order and he will bring you what you ordered while you watch the movie. Hot food. Like a burger. Or a hot fudge sundae! Or — wait for this, you can’t believe this — popcorn! You can’t get popcorn at a concession stand because they bring you your popcorn on a tray. Is anyone else freaking out about this? Because I am not being sarcastic: this is amazing. I didn’t even want popcorn. I’m not supposed to eat popcorn. But I ordered some anyway because it was Claus and my last date and because they were going to bring it on a tray. A big bucket of popcorn on a tray, brought to me while I’m essentially lying in a bed, watching a Hollywood movie that cost more to make than the GDP of most of the world’s developing countries.

I’m not saying it’s bad. I’m saying it’s a heckuva town.