Mary Fons : The Rolling Stone Interview Pt. 2

If you missed yesterday’s post, you’ll want to click here to get caught up. What follows is the second half of imaginary Rolling Stone’s interview with the legendary, the elusive, the deeply nerdy … Mary Fons. Ann Kotske reports. —Eds.

RS: You almost didn’t come back for the second half of this interview. 
PG: That’s true.

Why not? 
I like to switch things up. I wondered if some people wouldn’t be into the Rolling Stone interview format they’d just skip today’s post because it would be the same thing as yesterday.

Very considerate.
I’d like to think that sort of editorial concern has kept people reading me all these years.

You decided to go ahead with it, though. Why?
Continuity concerns me, too.

Let’s switch things up, then. We can leave behind heavy issues like — 
Like life.

— like life, sure, and — 
Death.

Okay. But aren’t life and death connected?  
Pardon?

If one is off the table, the other one is, too, don’t you think? 
Who are you?

Come on, let’s have some fun. How’s Nick?
Achingly good-looking. Sweet. And going into a year-long master’s program in a few weeks. I’m crazy about him. We’re still taking things slow-ish. I think.

Tell me about your outfit.
Didn’t we said yesterday I’m in my pajamas?

You can have changed. 
Now there’s a sentece: “You can have changed.”

I think it’s grammatically correct in this case. Now, the clothes.
I’m becoming a person that wears one thing: a classic-fit, Oxford-style shirt from Brooks Brothers with tailored black or navy trousers. I’m not interested in wearing or shopping for anything else, which feels strange but also feels right. This ensemble is perfect for every occasion, whether I’m in the city, headed to my office, or on location in who-knows-where, executing some photo shoot. I feel polished and practical. Of course, beyond the shirt and trousers I need great shoes and a great coat and handbag. That’s where I have my fun. But the crisp, white or blue-striped Oxford and the black pants … I can’t think how to improve on that.

What’s your fascination with unboxing videos on YouTube?
Watching people take foreign objects out of a box feels like Christmas. But there’s also a morbid fascination in it for me. Consumerism is eating the world alive, so watching unboxing videos is like partying on the Titanic.

How’s your mom?
Hi, Mom! You’re reading this, of course, so answer in the comments. How are you?

How’s your dad?
Haha. I don’t know. Dad, how are? Let me tell you: If my estranged father reads my blog and chooses to comment, any recent lull in blog posts will be more than made up for in the days to come. That will be interesting. So … Dad? Are you there? How are things?

I noticed you’re not blonde anymore.
After two years of being blonde — and loving it, I’ll have you know — I had to stop. My salon is great, but blonde is tough on a gal after awhile. I’m only biding my time until my hair is healthy enough to destroy again.

What’s on tap for tomorrow?
On tap?

Like, what’s on deck? 
On … deck.

What are you going to write about tomorrow?? 
Whatever it is, it’ll be true.