“Sar’s Picking Me Up At The Station: A Song In Four Verses

Yesterday, I was crackin’ jokes. A few days before that, I was going on about television. What is this, an entertainment blog? Am I here to amuse?? Let’s get one thing straight: I’m deep. I’m deep!

I wrote the following jaunty tune on the train to Iowa tonight, which should be abundantly clear. (I’ve come here for my high school reunion, remember.) You will be happy to know that I sang this actual song to its actual subject while we waited for the train to clear the tracks outside the Osceola station. I should’ve warmed up, but that would’ve been hard to do in coach.

As you sing this song — to yourself, please — a couple notes:

1) Text inside the square brackets should be understood as information outside the lyrics of the song — a kind of aside from me to you. I probably don’t have to say that, but I’m thinking you’ll need all the help you can get with this.

2) The meter does work, but only if you put the emphasis on a specific word in each line. It has been noted for you with a bold underline. What can I say? I’m a generous person.

That’s it. Have fun. And hey: The next time someone you love comes to pick you up at a dinky train station 40 minutes from town and waits around an hour for you to actually get there, I recommend writing her a song. It gives you something to do and your friend gets a Snickers bar — if you do it right.

Sar’s Picking Me Up At The Train Station And I Can’t Wait To See Her. Sar, My First Friend and Bonus Sister In This Life, I Love You More Than I Will Ever Be Able To Properly Express And I’m Sorry My Train Was An Hour Late
by Mary Fons

I’m on a train to Iowa, Iowa, Iowa,
I’m on a train to Iowa, going to my house.
I’m gonna sleep in Iowa, Iowa, Iowa,
I’m gonna sleep in Iowa, because I am a mouse.

[whatever, let’s just keep going]

My kin’s from the Heartland State, Heartland State, Heartland State,
My kin’s from Heartland State; we’re lucky so n’ so’s.
So I’m goin‘ to The Heartland State, Heartland State, Heartland State,
I’m goin’ to the Heartland State, ‘cause that’s the place to…goes.

[stop asking questions!]

Ohhh!

Been on this train for six full h’ars, six full h’ars, six full h’ars,
Been on this train for six full h’ars, I’m ready to be there.
‘Cuz when I get to Iowa, Iowa, Iowa,
Oh, when I get to Iowa, I get to see Sar!

Sar’s the best gal in the land, in the land, in the land,
Sar’s the best gal in the land, and that’s for sure a fact.

Ohhh!

[Allargando!]*

Thank you, Sar, for pickin’ me up, pickin’ me up, pickin’ me up,
Thank you Sar, for pickin’ me up —

I — brought yoooou — a snaaaaaaaaack!

[produce a half a Snickers, end of song.]

*Italian music term meaning “slowing down and broadening, becoming more stately and majestic, possibly louder”