This post is for my quilters. My homies.
I whipped up a baby quilt top for the magazine to show in a Quilty magazine tutorial. “Whipped up” is a kind way to put it. “Threw it together on my way out the door” is a better way to put it. And I made some errors. No, really. Look:
I taped it up in a box, mailed it to Iowa. A week or so later, I got this email from the Quilty managing editor, whom I adore:
“Hi Mary — We were getting ready for photography, and we noticed there were several places in the baby quilt top that you sent us that the seams don’t match up. While we are not trying to be the quilt police, we thought it was important to address this. We need to do very detailed shots of the quilt top and we can’t photograph it without showing the places that are not aligning. I can send it back to you if you are going to use it, just let me know.”
Oh yeah.
Here are a few things I think we can all take from this course of events.
1. Quilty (and all Fons & Porter titles) have high standards.
2. Just because you’ve made a passel of quilts, it doesn’t mean you don’t make mistakes.
3. Slow down, cowgirl.
4. COWGIRL! I SAID SLOW DOWN!
5. Be kind to yourself.
6. Were you drinking?
I’d like to expand on #5 for a moment. When this happened, I had a mini-meltdown. It wasn’t a crying, kicking, screaming meltdown, I just had a horrified look on my face, silently wept for about 3 minutes, and felt like an utter and complete failure. Too much? Well, considering it was my birthday and considering the fact that I teach quilting on national television, I think I reacted appropriately.
But after that, I couldn’t let it go of how dumb I felt. That seam? That’s like, really off. It wasn’t the only one. And I didn’t even notice. Sure, I had ninety things to do, but so does everyone else, and besides: I had that particular thing to do and I didn’t do it too well, did I? I felt like a sham. I felt like a fraud.
Several days later, when I was still hearing the word “fraud” in my head over and over, I finally did stop myself and say, “Self, this has gone on long enough. ‘Fraud’? No. Hasty? Absolutely. In need of some perspective? Without question.” It wasn’t an immediate turnaround, but over the course of the next few days, the stung subsided, mostly because I vowed to be nice to myself.
This post is not about vindicating my rejected baby quilt top. It absolutely should have been rejected. This post about vindicating yours.
I’m a writer/editor working in the quilt industry: I see a lot of quilts. I see quilts with problems, both in terms of workmanship and design. I see quilts that are technically flawless but utterly lack soul. I see quilts that would never make it onto the pages of a quilt magazine in a thousand years because frankly, they’re quilts only a mother (or a child) could want. These quilts are all made for a reason. Sometimes that reason is for fame and fortune, sometimes it’s for fun, and the majority of the time, it’s for love.
Look, I read the blogs. I watch the tempests swirl about modern vs. traditional, this sewlebrity vs. that one, the fans vs. the naysayers of the latest trend, latest winningest quilt. I most definitely see people going back and forth about technique. You’d think it was their very soul at stake, sometimes, and all anyone said was “squaring off.”
Release yourself.
If you’re going for publication or a job-job in the quilt industry, yes, you need to bring an A-game. But regardless of whether that’s a goal of yours, take the pressure off of yourself to be all things to all people, all the time. Maybe you’re more of a designer, not a blue-ribbon winner. Maybe every fabric combination you choose looks like the dog’s vomit, but MAN are you a crackerjack machine quilter. Can’t turn a binding that doesn’t look like it was chewed by your toddler? Well, fine, but your knack for solving Susie’s (and Joan’s and Polly’s) contrast problems make you the #1 go-to for such things while everyone else is scratching their heads.
Learn the craft. It’s more fun when you know how to do stuff well. Smart quilters say that again and again. I say it. But for heaven’s sake, be nice to yourself. I spent far, far too many hours in the dumps because I made one mistake and of course, I can’t make mistakes. Ever. Lemme tell you, learning to sew on national television was not easy and I thought I could weather any storm after that, but apparently, I can still be felled. And if the editor of a national quilting magazine can be rejected from time to time, you better not feel too bad about it, either, L’il Miss.
By the way, I just finished my latest top. 🙂
Love,
Mar
Erika
Thank you!!! I am a beginner quilter who is starting to learn the art of really taking it slow and detailed eye, and I had a beautiful quilt top for my skills:). However, when I was finishing the quilt in a rush in time for my sister’s babyshower it ended up staying home because the wonkiness is way beyond the slightly quirky homemade look:) Now it sits at my feet waiting for its slow undoing and 2nd try… YOu’ve inspired me not to give up the quilting craft with this post. Thanks.
Mary Fons
Thank heavens! Erika, you just have to keep sewing. You just have to.
ruth
Gotta give you one of my favorite admonitions: Don’t focus on the pimple; look at the whole face. Your quilt is beautiful; look at the whole thing! xo
Liz Flaherty
My quilts are of the variety that only my grandkids love, which is fine. But I’m a writer, too, whose written seams must be perfect and whose contrasts must be perfect, and whose bindings must be…yeah, perfect. I can’t imagine having to be perfect at both passions. You are my hero. 🙂
Vicki H.
Amen, Mary! I have been making quilts for many years. Some days I could sew anything, perfectly. Other days I couldn’t sew a pinwheel or a 9 patch at all. I know what I do well and what I don’t. I sew in tiny increments of time and I make myself slow down and ENJOY the process. We are humans, not machines. If we wanted a machine/robot made quilt I would go to the big box store.
Sometimes I make a mess, but it’s ok because I made it. 🙂 relax. Hmmm, wondering if there are days the sewing and having a bit of wine would be a good combo???
Mary Fons
Vicki? YES.
Alice McD
Thanks for your honesty and encouragement — this is something all of us who have a desire to create and yet sometimes fall short of perfect struggle with.
Also, thanks (not) for posting on Quilty Facebook that you have a blog. I’ve been reading and chuckling and smirking knowingly ALL AFTERNOON instead of any number of other things I OUGHT to be doing. Someone stop me!
Alyssa Lichner
Fantastic post! Thank you for being so transparent, it is so very important for all to know that even the greatest pros get rejected and yes we all do indeed make mistakes. You are such an encouragement!
Becca @bryanhousequilts
Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Afton
My husband says my quilts have ‘character’. That’s a much nicer way of saying ‘incredibly wonky binding’. It’s nice to know everyone has rough sewing days. Thanks for the encouragement!
Paula@TheSassyQuilter
Great article. Made me smile! We are too hard on ourselves for sure. Nice to know it is not just me:) Definitely need to slow down sometimes. Why does it always feel like a race? Great top you are laying on there BTW.
trillium
I cut over 400 4″ patches with scissors & a cardboard template and sewed them into quilt tops using a machine that had no 1/4″ seam guide. Most of the corners don’t match, of couse. Now I have a rotary cutter, acrylic tEmplates, and a 1/4″ foot on my machine. Now I can match up seams!
Jan Marshall
Ha ha ha! I love this and now I love you big time! So great! I’ve got material to make a sock monkey quilt for my first great grand baby, a girl. I’ve been trying to steel myself to start this “very serious”, “historic” project that will be a family heirloom like my grandmother’s quilt I inherited. It was made with feed sacks and clothing scraps from my mother’s nine brothers and sisters on the family farm in Choctaw County, Alabama and filled with cotton grown and hand picked by them. It was sewn and quilted by hand by my grandmother, along with many others she made for the sole purpose of providing warm covers for her family. Shazam!!!! It was not perfect! It is loved and treasured, worn and threadbare with raggedy tatters. I will make Gwenny her sock monkey quilt to be lugged and hugged and dragged til it is tattered. It will not be perfect, but made with love…the most important ingredient..and I will quit stalling and enjoy every moment. I have watched you with your mom on PBS and enjoyed your show. After reading your blog about the”imperfect quilt” I am now your #1 fan….and love, love, love you!
Marianne Fons
Mary, I loved reading this story, and it reminded me of a comment I received yesterday from a colleague who was telling me her own quilt story. She said her first quilt was for a friend, but it turned out so badly she kept it. The points of all the triangles were lopped off, so she called it “Pointless,” and she says it has kept her own self warm and cosy for years while she improved her sewing technique and learned to love applique! Also, nobody else can be your biggest fan, BECAUSE I AM!!!!!
Mary Fons
Mom? I love you.
elaine garcia
wow, I needed to hear that! i’m a quilter and sewer of MANY THING’S! my quilt’s are beautiful, all of them my own design, I make my own patter’s. and I love applique!!! I just don’t seem to ever get my point’s to line up 🙁 but I try. I couldn’t even enter in a fair cause’ my quilt did’t measure EXACT all the way around. BUT, I still quilt for my children and loved one’s. happy quilting!!!
Molly
Oh this is just perfect! I recently had an epiphany moment while watching your show while you and your mother were discussing how you aim to get your quilt blocks the right size as you sew them and not trim them down later. It wasn’t until that moment I realized that was even a possibility.
My newest quilting goal is to just go slow and be mindful and READ DIRECTIONS. I found out it’s actually kind of cool when things match up and come out the right size.
Beverly Threadgill Robey
Bless your heart! This is a great post for so many reasons. Glad you’ve lightened up on your quilty self! I, personally am a recovering perfectionist. It’s a daily stuggle!
And you are a dandy writer, L’il Miss!
Best to you!
Gail Mckenney
My grand son once gave me a c- on a quilt binding
Mary Fons
lol
Alice
You are awesome.
Cheryl
And, on top of this, we all need to remember that we improve with every single quilt we make. But if we don’t make, we will never get better.
Bethany Martini
Thank you, Mary, for sharing this. I am a new, young quilter (I am 18) and I have fallen in love with quilting. I have finished 2 bed size quilts (Yippee!) and I am working on a few more. I have realized that you cannot rush when you are making a quilt, although sometimes it is hard not to. Quilting does teach one patience. Thank you again for posting this, and I look forward to buying my next issue of Quilty! 🙂
Mindy Carlson
Your honesty is like a breath of fresh air. Thank you!
Penny Boden
To err is human, to forgive, divine! These words are never truer than when one talks about oneself! Writing about it and sharing your experience will help so many like minded quilters! Thank you.
Lorna McMahon
Honesty… I was directed here through a post by Cheryl Arkison at http://naptimequilter.blogspot.ca/2013/08/friday-favourites-honesty.html
Honesty. It was that one word that drew me in. I admire, appreciate and demand honesty from those who I come in contact with, and from myself. I know my shortcomings, both in personality and quilting skills. Demanding honesty from a quilty blogging website representative, that offers to send a person ‘free’ fabric in exchange for your design being on their website, is one of my shortcomings. My design date was cancelled. At first, I was angry…. at myself, at the representative.
But I knew that it would pass. You are sew right. We have to be kind to ourselves. And not get all caught up in what is in, what is modern, what is acceptable. I will not sell my quilty soul to be any of those things. And, in future, I will still be honest and expect honesty…. But I will not so demanding.
Thank you for your honesty. I respect you for it.
Lorna McMahon
http://sewfreshquilts.blogspot.com
kristen ballou
Amen, sister! and thank you ! I’m beginning to feel better 🙂
Jennifer Mathis @ Ellison Lane
Well said Mary! Well said. We all make mistakes and the thing I keep telling myself is “comparison is the theif of joy” as it really sums it all up. Create for the joy of it and do the best you can do and be sure to enjoy it!
WyoMom86
I <3 this… So, I took a tiny, little class and thought I was hooked….was pretty proud of my first block and someone pointed out that I had a little 'snafu' too and I told her THAT was my signature. Every artist leaves a flaw somewhere! 🙂
Heidi Hjort
your post made my night. I have made so many “amish mistakes” in my quilts over the years. It’s nice to know even the professionals have their off moments. You are my hero. 🙂 off to go work on binding…
Samantha
Yes!
I make quilts because I love making quilts. I told my hubby I was thinking I’d make one and enter it in a show or something. He said “Go for it! Your quilts are really pretty!” That was enough for me and I haven’t thought about making a quilt to enter in a show since. I know me and it would be to much pressure and not at all fun, so I’m just not ready for that step yet.
If, by chance, I make something that I think is show worthy then I’ll think about it, until then I’m not going to TRY to make something “perfect” to enter in a show.
To me, it’s the mistakes (and even after over 30 years of making quilts I still make some doozies) that make the quilt special and have “character”. I love what you do and I’m glad you cut yourself a break finally. 😀
Jenny
Oh, I just love you.
Lee @ Freshly Pieced
GREAT post. Thanks for keeping it real. : )
Lynda
I love this post! I have a friend who made a stunning quilt and was so excited about it. The overall effect was beautiful but the workmanship not so great. She was thrilled with it until she entered it in a small but juried quilt show. It didn’t win anything and that immediately changed how she felt about it. It was such a shame!
I enjoy designing and have been quilting for about six years. My workmanship has steadily improved over those years. I find quilting to be the best stress reliever; I’m not going to ruin it by getting worked up over a not so great point!
Mary Ann
Kindness matters…even or maybe especially when it’s ourselves!
Kat P
I too found your post from a post by Cheryl Arkison at http://naptimequilter.blogspot.ca/2013/08/friday-favourites-honesty.html
What a great article, and nice to know that even the pros have off-days. My very first quilt didn’t get finished for over 20 years, because I didn’t know what I was doing. When I was putting it together, my points were going to be cut off in the seams, so I ‘sewed around them’ LOL! The result was often scant 1/8″ or less seams. A friend took it and quilted it for me. She sewed fancy stitches through all the seams to hold it together! Now it’s a quilt for our cats. I still have it, and it makes me chuckle that that was my solution.
In my earlier years of quilting, I often tackled complex, picky blocks, and wouldn’t be satisfied with the results. Now, I am content to sew simple, colourful, make-me-happy quilts, and I don’t care if people think they’re not challenging enough or there is no skill progression. I’m happy and so are the recipients!
Lolly
Thanks for sharing. I love that your mom replies to your post. My mom no longer can quilt. We did alot of fabric shopping over the years. Enjoy each other!
Lynda M Otvos
Thanks, Mary, for showing those pictures and writing such an honest piece. I came over from Cheryl’s too and am glad to be here. I stressed for the first couple quilts I made and then a lady who makes the most gorgeous quilts said, Hey, your quilt, your rules. I jumped in with both feet and have never looked back. Not always square or matching points but all loved by the recipients and drug around the house. Is there a bigger compliment?
Green Carlson
You’re my f-ing hero.
Rosa - Copenhagen
Forgive me – but this is a serious subject for me.
First of all – respect to the quilting magazine for rejecting an unacceptable quilt. I can not begin to tell you how many photos/tutorials I have seen in books and magazines the last couple of years of modern quilts that were just… sloppy made. There is no other word for it, sorry. Great photographers can not make mistakes right, no matter how skilled they are.
I often wonder if the editors have any sense of quality at all or just no knowledge of quilting. Those books and magazines are not just free eye-candy – they are highly educational and need to show professional made quilts. People pay a lot of money for it and should not be satisfied with photos of badly made work
What we make at home – for fun, for children, neighbors and friends – and for ourselves – is a totally different thing. I make a lot of mistakes and that is alright – I am kind to myself 🙂 – but I don’t want to see those same mistakes published. I want – and NEED – to see what it looks like when done right.
Unfortunately I often hear from traditional quilters that ‘modern’ equals ‘amateur’ – ‘non-skilled’ etc. This makes me sad and also annoyed. They too look at/in these books and magazines and just dismiss modern quilting from the bad craftmanship they see there – so editing needs to be responsible, skilled and able to reject content that lack quality standards.
Second – thank you Mary Fons for your honest and open post. I have followed you for a long time and I have nothing but respect and admiration for this kind of honesty that goes so well with your creativity and passion for what we love so much: quilting 🙂
(please overlook all spelling errors etc – I am my own editor – which is never good when publishing!)
terri henderson
thank you for your honesty
when i go to quilt blogs, and i go to a lot, i always look to see if there are mistakes. i keep thinking, how can they never make a mistake. it gets discouraging to think i am the only one whose seems don’t always match up. i love to quilt, my bindings stink ( practice practice practice, right ) . i do have a few quilt tops whose seems match up almost perfectly. i have learned lessons along the way to help with that. pin pin pin. measure twice cut once etc….
the most important thing though, is that i have fun and thats that
Miscellany and Quirk
I came here from Cheryl Arkison’s blog too … Thank you SO much! I get SO cross with myself for not ‘doing enough’ quilting, or not getting it ‘right’ enough of the time. I have to say, your post has helped me take a step back and look at things from a better perspective. Phew! What a relief! I don’t have to be that perfect person who bakes and cooks everything that passes her family’s lips, has a spotless house, grows all her own food (organically), and runs up a couple of inspiring quilt tops at the weekend – all while holding down a full time job and doing a Masters degree in the evenings! I’m not that girl – but I’ve tried to be in the past and believe me, it doesn’t work! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Elena @ Hot Pink Stitches
I didn’t know anything about you before this post (outside of the Fons & Porter brands, obviously), and now I absolutely love you. Well said!
Suzanne
Thanks for your candor and reflections. They mean a lot!
Lorie
Great post, Mary. My mother taught me to sew (thank you, Mom) and she was a perfectionist. Because of this, I put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself to not produce anything that wasn’t technically perfect. I loved to sew, but hated the pressure. Didn’t sew that much. I loved the creative process but it usually made me feel bad in the end. When I had my first child, a friend gave me a baby blanket she sewed. It was kinda tacky and had a lot of mistakes. I knew that I would never have given a blanket with that many mistakes to someone as a gift. But she did. And I LOVED IT. I couldn’t believe she took the time out of her busy week to make something with love, by hand and sewing machine, for me. I felt so thankful. It was a revelation. It freed me. I sew all the time now and love it every bit of it, even the times I say, “this looks like crap- it’s not even worth recycling- please go in the garbage and do not haunt my dreams.” I make baby blankets for friends and they are never perfect by my old standards. So what? Doesn’t even phase me anymore. I make quilts, I make curtains, I make clothes, I make bags, I make mistakes (but not so much any more because I just keep making) and I love it.
Keep sewing and inspiring us with your honesty!
Buttoncounter
So what I am reading here is that I can totally blame it on other things. I love it! I can just hear the ladies gathering around my quilts at a quilt show ”see this, that was her 18 year old scotch…pretty fabulous attempt, right?” the seams are not SUPPOSED to match up, ladies. It is sooooo Picasso.
Kim
You just made my day.
I’ve been quilting for a few years (20?) and I still make mistakes. I hate how discouraging it feels when I can’t move past it. I lose all my ‘sewjo’.
But if you can make a mistake (I’m assuming you’ve only made one) and get past it, then there’s hope for me 😀
Is passel a quilty word? Because I like it.
Leanne
I enjoyed your story and love that being the boss of the magazine does give you a pass. I have put your blog in my reader – I read back to the beginning of this rendition, and I loved it, especially your story about the Michael Jackson show and about him. I am so going to find a way to see it now.
Leanne
oops, I meant to say that being the boss of the magazine does not give you a pass.
Holli
That was wonderful, Mary! Thank you for sharing!
Sarah @ Georgia Girl Quilts
Awesome, AWESOME post. I’m about 6 months into my quilty obsession and am extremely hard on myself when I make mistakes. Thank you for a look at things from your perspective!
Cheryl Allison
Thank you so much for sharing! Much-needed perspective for quilters. I always tell myself that a quilt with a misaligned seam will still keep my baby warm at night. 🙂
Anne
It’s so so nice to know even the “big name” quilters like yourself make mistakes. I love the quilting industry and the blog world, but sometimes I think it comes across as everyone being just a little too perfect. Nice to be reminded that everyone makes mistakes and we all have areas that we are good at and not so good at. I make quilts because I’m a designer at heart and absolutely love the process of design and playing with color and pattern. Do I love the actual sewing and quilting? Sometimes, sometimes not. When things aren’t working out quite right it can be frustrating but it’s not the end of the world. Just learn from the mistake and move ahead. Thanks for sharing your mistake with us.
Judith Inge
May I use this as a “Motivational Moment” at our quilt guild meeting? We’re getting ready for our bi-annual quilt show, you see, and many people are sure their stuff doesn’t measure up…..
Mary Fons
Absolutely, Judith! T’would be an honor. :: curtsies ::
Melissa
Thank you for sharing! This really hits home. I was just quilting today and kept thinking to myself “enjoy the process.” I am so goal-oriented at work (lists and tasks and deadlines… argh) that I tend to do the same at home and it’s ridiculous! This is my HOBBY! I found some mistakes on that quilt and I thought “well, I hope the little one who uses this focuses on the soft fabric and runs his or her hands along the lines of stitches and feels loved (and doesn’t notice that it’s not perfect!)”
Lea
I admire your candor, openness and honesty and am also glad that after the dust settled so to speak that you can be gentle with yourself. It seems our society has become a place where people can’t or won’t admit that they’ve made a mistake or have done anything wrong. What is wrong with making a mistake after all? We are all human. What matters is that we learn and grow from the experience. Thank you.
Dominique
Love this post! Thanks for sharing, Mary. Every once in a while, we are in need of a little perspective…
Judith Inge
Thank you!
Malinda
I have seen many quilts in the magazines with cut off points and mismatched rows. It surprises me that they suddenly got so picky. I know that my quilts are rarely (ever?) perfect. I’m forgiving of myself partly because of the small errors I see in magazines and blogs. If you were not trying to demonstrate a perfectly nested intersection, I don’t know what all the fuss was about.
Love the Quilty magazine, by the way. Just wish you had regular subscriptions. See! Even that isn’t perfect!
Maria Soto
Thank you, thank you, for sharing such an inspirational and honest story. I always call my quilts ” Amish Quilts ” as I have never made a perfect quilt, well not EVER even near perfect. I feel great , should go back to my no so perfect quilt !! At least I finished them !! thank’s again, you inspired me back to quilting lalalalala !!
Maura
I want to be a good quilter, no I want to be a REALLY good quilter, but sometimes – no matter how many times I rip out that flying goose – it doesn’t look right. So be it. I move on. I put together a whole huge (my first~!) complicated quilt top and realized one of the arrows in one of the blocks was pointing the wrong way. Ugh. My daughter said, “Leave it. It looks great,” so I did. It can be my signature – one wonky piece in the quilting puzzle. Thank you Mary for your honesty and inspiration. We all need this pep talk once in a while.
Jane @ Handiworking
We are family … I got all my sisters with me. Nice to know we all have our moments. Thanks for sharing and can I get an Amen!
LINDA
I ALWAYS UNDERSTOOD A REAL QUILT ALWAYS HAD A MISTAKE…
Ruth Bahri
Mary,
I found you through Cheryl Arkison’s website. I admire your honesty and courage. People strive for perfection then beat themselves up. Remember that the person who stays in a funk and never shows her quilts is depriving everyone else of seeing what s/he created.
People need to show their quilts so that people who go to quilt shows have something to look at. Our guild has started a category for people who have never before shown a quilt in a show and it was surprising to see how many long time members who are very active in the guild and busy with service projects exhibited in this section. So I would urge everyone to go for it and show whatever your best piece is when the opportunity arises!
Sandy Voss
When I learned to quilt back in 1996, my neighbor/friend/instructor, always had her students strive for perfection, as any good teacher should! However, “reverse stitching” was totally our option… if we could live with our less than perfect accomplishments, then so could she! Her motto, which I still live by and now share with my students, is “IF YOU CAN”T SEE IT FROM A TROTTING HORSE, THEN IT DOESN’T MATTER” !! Thanks to Dolores for that life-lesson and thank you, Mary for your encouragement !
sarah schraw
Oh Mary you are my favorite quilter but you are so much more than a quilter. Your personality is so vibrant that even my 3-year-old will watch Quilty with me.
I’ve been struggling lately with when to let it go and when to get out the seam ripper. Thank you for reminding me that it’s a struggle all of us face and it’s not just me. I feel so encouraged.
Tessa
Oh Mary, thank you, thank you, thank you! I needed to hear this today. I am sending big hugs your way!!
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robotmomsews
Mary, you are A-mazeballs. This post was awesome and appreciated by not only us ‘Quilty’ people, but everywhere I’m sure! I think we all love you even more knowing and remembering that you are human, just like the rest of us!! You rock! ♥
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